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The Wandering Widow

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Home » Coping with Grief» Featured» Widowhood » Don’t Be Invisible (Can You See Me Now?)

Don’t Be Invisible (Can You See Me Now?)

December 2, 2020 By Lisa Bain

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A Keeping It Real Post

Baggage (v. 2)

Heaving my suitcase onto the bed
I drop it on the floor instead,
Oops, I forgot it’s full of laments for my dead.
Why did I pack the weight of grief and fear
when all I want to do is be light and clear?
Running away and starting over is my plan
So why did I decide to bring along a dead man?
I silently berate myself, forcing tears away
Someday I’ll acknowledge what it took to make it to this day.
But for now, unzipping my bag, I dump the contents on the floor
I’m done with this.
I refuse to carry deadweight with me anymore. 
~Lisa Bain
Excerpt from Perspective to Pen

 

Going Outside The Box

In the years since D died, I’ve learned to face my fears head-on. I’ve done lots of things that have pushed me so far outside my comfortable little box they set that box on fire, ensuring I could never go back.

As uncomfortable as those things can sometimes be, I’ve learned to embrace the challenges and lessons they provide. And boy, do they provide!

Don’t Be An Invisible Poet

I met Christine Murray on a bus from Dublin to Belfast after our train had broken down. We started chatting about poetry, life as women, and our stories. I confessed to the accomplished poet that I’d started writing poetry as part of my grief journey. Christine is active in the movement to help Irish Women Poets reclaim their place in history. One of the last things she said to me before we parted ways that day, was “don’t be a secret poet.”

Say what? Only one other person knew I was writing at the time. I liked being invisible and a secret poet. But, I realized it wasn’t too different from sharing my grief journey with the world. It took a while, but I eventually started posting my poetry on Instagram, under a pseudonym. Christine was the first person to publish my poetry in Poethead.

The Poetry Community

“Don’t be a secret poet” are words that changed my life.

Then, Robert Cozzi invited me to participate in a poetry collaboration. Dudes! Like Christine Murray, Robert is a legit award-winning poet with five published collections of poetry. And he chose invisible me to be part of this project! Much like the tribe I found with my fellow Widows, I discovered a supportive and encouraging family within the poetry community.

He assembled twelve poets from four countries who came together to create an anthology. Our initial vision was to show how human experiences are so closely connected, despite living such different lives. Perspective to Pen was born from that initial meeting and has taken on a life of its own. (All proceeds support Amnesty International.)

As part of this project, I decided to take back my name and now write loud and proud as myself. (You can read about that experience here.)

What If’s

Yesterday was the official release of the anthology. As I look back, I marvel at the way the universe works. What if my train to Belfast hadn’t broken down? Or if Christine hadn’t been interested in a conversation? Or if I hadn’t listened to her advice? I’d still be an invisible poet.

I’m sure my spirit guides tear their hair out at what a slow and stubborn learner I can be, but I’ve finally embraced the fact that doing the scary thing is always worth it.

XOXO,
Lisa
Live Now. Dream Big. Love Fierce.

 

If you’re in to poetry, I post my work on Instagram as @LisaBainWrites.

 

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Filed Under: Coping with Grief, Featured, Widowhood Tagged With: Amnesty International, Anthology, Bereavement, Broken Open, Christine Murray, Coping, Grief, Grief Journey, Grief Literacy, Grief Recovery, Grieving, Healing, Invisible, Loss, Mental Health, Perspective to Pen, Poethead, Poetry, Reckless Truth Teller, Robbert Cozzi, Wandering Widow, Widow Wednesday, Widowhood


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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. kristin says

    December 4, 2020 at 9:16 am

    That’s great new Lisa! Taking life by yet another horn.

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Lisa Bain became a young widow in 2016 after losing her husband to cancer. She quickly learned we live in a grief phobic society, which isolates the grieving even further. With both humor and heartbreak, she shares her story and lessons she's learned to help those grieving remember they aren't alone, and to help their family and friends that just don't know what to do to help.

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