A Keeping It Real Post
Last year when I was in Romania, a new friend and I were comparing notes. I’d finally met someone as addicted to travel as I was, but even he couldn’t imagine traveling for so long without someplace to call home. I can’t remember exactly how he put it, but he asked if I was tired of never having a place to rest and regroup.
I was a bit taken aback and brushed off the question. After all, I’d spent a long time running from home. I loved the freedom of being a nomad, and not being tied to anything, anyone, or any place. But something about the question got under my skin. And one day, to my great annoyance, I realized he was right. I was tired, and I did need to find a home base somewhere.
Now What?
Fast forward to today. I write this in an empty house. My empty house. The one I said I’d NEVER live in again. The one in the town I said I’d NEVER live in again. Tomorrow the stuff arrives and will bring with it all the chaos of moving day, but for the moment it’s just me in this quiet, empty house. I don’t know what lies ahead, but I’m ready to nest a bit and rediscover what it feels like to have a place to call home.
Never Say Never
I like to think I’ve learned to stop challenging the Universe by including the word NEVER in any sentence. As soon as I hear that word leave my lips, I cringe as I can almost feel the Universe laugh and say, “Here. Hold my beer.”
The last year has been full of Old Lisa’s NEVERs getting blown to smithereens. Each one was full of lessons I needed to learn, but damn some of them were painful to acknowledge. The hardest was that there were parts of my old life that were good and needed to be embraced by the new me.
For example:
I’ll never come back to Idaho to live.
Wrong. My family and friends are here. And the cost of living makes for a good home base for my travels, despite the horrid air quality Boise endures a good portion of the year. So Idaho it is. At least until I find the right place in Belfast. (Or Hawaii, or someplace I haven’t thought of yet, or maybe I’ll just stay here?)
I’ll never move back to my old neighborhood, the one in which I watched D, and all our dreams die.
Ha! I couch-surfed at a friend’s house and drove by The House That Love Built every week for months, visiting our favorite restaurants and old haunts until they no longer hurt to be near. I even quit judging the new owners of our dream home for their lack of attention to the garden. (Seriously?!? How could you let the Japanese maple get in that condition?!?! And how much hoarder crap do you have in the garage that your cars have to park in the driveway? Okay, so maybe I still judge a little.)
I’ll never move back into my “starting over” house.
*shrug*
I’m sitting here right this second trying to decide if it’s time to rename it. Yeah. I’m that girl. I name stuff, including houses.
I’ll never again own more STUFF than I can pack and move in a few hours.
*sigh*
Furniture is being delivered tomorrow to replace all the furniture I sold or gave away when I left town. A car licensed to me is parked in the garage. I’m putting down roots, and that comes with stuff. I try not to look at the stuff as anchors holding me down, and instead look for the silver lining. After two years of sitting safely in storage, I finally get to see my favorite paintings again. I can also add to my collection. I’m celebrating my return home with a few new pieces by Canadian artist Amanda Braun. (We met in Belfast last year and her work is amazing! Check her out, she ships worldwide.)
I’ll never have roommates.
I know. A woman my age with roommates? Totally weird. But, after almost two years on the road solo, I’ve realized I’m tired of living alone. So I found super cool roommates. You guys! They bake and share their dog and dad with me. And their dad reminds me of mine, whom I miss terribly. So when he comes over it secretly makes me very happy.
Recovering Control Freak
So there you have it. Heavy use of the word NEVER is a sign of control issues. This recovering control freak may be a slow learner, but I’ve gotten pretty good at removing NEVER from my vocabulary. And when I can feel one of those NEVERs from my old life getting busted, all I can do is laugh.
XOXO,
The Wandering Widow
Live Now. Dream Big. Love Fierce.
P.S. The Universe knows when you’re trying to cheat. “I’ll NEVER win the lottery” or “Keanu Reeves will NEVER call and ask me out” don’t work. Although I did win $16 on a ticket today, so who knows. A girl’s gotta dream.