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The Wandering Widow

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Home » Coping with Grief» Featured» Widowhood » Birthday Lessons

Birthday Lessons

November 18, 2020 By Lisa Bain

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A Keeping It Real Post

Making the most of every birthday.

Welcome to my annual birthday post. This one marks my fourth without D, and the knowledge that I’m now the same age he was when he died carries heavy significance. I live for myself, not his memory, but that doesn’t stop me from sometimes hearing his echo in the breaths I take. I wonder what he would have done with these four extra years.

A Look Back

“I just need to make it to 50.” (Spoiler alert: he didn’t.) He knew he was terminal and would die, but set his 50th birthday as his target for beating the odds. He repeated that mantra every day until he died a month shy of his goal. The memory of that battle for one more breath, for one more day, and one more birthday is forever seared into my brain. It’s why I don’t care how old the candles on the cake proclaim I am; I will celebrate the f&*k out of every birthday I’m granted. I know all too well birthdays are a gift denied to many.

If you’ve been following along, you know I choose to make the most of this life. I’d be lying if I told you every day has been full of wild adventure, especially in this bizarre 2020. Sure, there have been a few adventures since I posted my birthday suit last year. But most days have been spent at home, feeling all the feels of heartbreak and anguish, the incredible joys of new love, and the solitary silence that accompanies diving deep within to face my demons head-on. No matter how deep in the shadows I’ve plunged, I’ve spent each day seeking and finding all the beauty life has to offer. It’s everywhere.

What’s Next?

So what does this new year hold? Who the heck knows? Thanks to the pandemic, I’ve given up on planning trips and events. But I do know the year ahead will be filled with laughter and love and beauty and wonder. How can I be so sure? Because that’s what I’m gifting myself. And when I listen hard to those echoes, I hear that familiar voice shout, “That’s my girl.”

XOXO,
Lisa
Live Now. Dream Big. Love Fierce.

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Filed Under: Coping with Grief, Featured, Widowhood Tagged With: Bereavement, Birthdays, Broken Open, Coping, Friends and Family, Grief, Grief Journey, grief milestones, Grief Support, Grieving, Life After Loss, Live Now, Loss, Mental Health, Reckless Truth Teller, Survivor, Widow Wednesday, Widowhood, Widows


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Heart of a Kingdom is a riveting tale of love, courage, loss, and survival set in the magical Kingdom of the Talking Tres, and the City of Belfast. Newly widowed Queen Libby must endure the devastating loss of her husband, do the … Read More about New Book: Heart Of A Kingdom

A Little About Me

Lisa Bain became a young widow in 2016 after losing her husband to cancer. She quickly learned we live in a grief phobic society, which isolates the grieving even further. With both humor and heartbreak, she shares her story and lessons she's learned to help those grieving remember they aren't alone, and to help their family and friends that just don't know what to do to help.

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