A Keeping It Real Post
Welcome to my annual birthday post. This one marks my fourth without D, and the knowledge that I’m now the same age he was when he died carries heavy significance. I live for myself, not his memory, but that doesn’t stop me from sometimes hearing his echo in the breaths I take. I wonder what he would have done with these four extra years.
A Look Back
“I just need to make it to 50.” (Spoiler alert: he didn’t.) He knew he was terminal and would die, but set his 50th birthday as his target for beating the odds. He repeated that mantra every day until he died a month shy of his goal. The memory of that battle for one more breath, for one more day, and one more birthday is forever seared into my brain. It’s why I don’t care how old the candles on the cake proclaim I am; I will celebrate the f&*k out of every birthday I’m granted. I know all too well birthdays are a gift denied to many.
If you’ve been following along, you know I choose to make the most of this life. I’d be lying if I told you every day has been full of wild adventure, especially in this bizarre 2020. Sure, there have been a few adventures since I posted my birthday suit last year. But most days have been spent at home, feeling all the feels of heartbreak and anguish, the incredible joys of new love, and the solitary silence that accompanies diving deep within to face my demons head-on. No matter how deep in the shadows I’ve plunged, I’ve spent each day seeking and finding all the beauty life has to offer. It’s everywhere.
So what does this new year hold? Who the heck knows? Thanks to the pandemic, I’ve given up on planning trips and events. But I do know the year ahead will be filled with laughter and love and beauty and wonder. How can I be so sure? Because that’s what I’m gifting myself. And when I listen hard to those echoes, I hear that familiar voice shout, “That’s my girl.”
Live Now. Dream Big. Love Fierce.