A Wondering Widow Post
The holidays can be brutal for the grieving. Last year I opted out of them completely, despite the many generous invitations I received. Being around that many happy, festive, non-grieving people (even family people) was overwhelming. Curling up on the couch with a bottle of bourbon, alien a$$-kicking movies, and my dog seemed a much safer option. That’s right, safe. Home alone meant I was safe from the pressure of trying to put on a happy face and not ruin everyone else’s holiday. The only way I can describe it is walking into Thanksgiving dinner with your arm recently chopped off and spewing blood all over the dinner table and the faces of those you love while trying to pretend you are a-okay. Pie anyone?
This year I’m on my own in a country that doesn’t celebrate American Thanksgiving. And even though I won’t have turkey and pumpkin pie, I can’t help but reflect on how blessed I am and how grateful I am to be here.
And I’m grateful for all of it. Yes, all of it, even the $hitty parts. Without all the ugly bits, I wouldn’t be where I am today. When I started this journey, I set out to see beautiful things, meet interesting people and have adventures. And my eyes have seen indescribable beauty, my heart has been warmed by the many amazing people I have met, and I have had the kind of adventures that will someday make me the coolest blue-haired granny on the block. But I had all those things before I ever left home.
To those of you who have stood by my side and walked this path with me, thank you. When I was in the worst of my grief, I wasn’t able to fully appreciate that, but I do now, and I hope you know how much I love you and how thankful I am to have you in my life.
The Wandering Widow
Live Now. Dream Big. Love Fierce.