When no possessions keep us,
when no countries contain us,
and no time detains us,
man becomes a heroic wanderer,
and woman, a wanderess.
Roman Payne
A Grief Recovery Project Post
As I sit in yet another airport, staring down the barrel of another birthday on this spaceship we call Earth, I’m taking time to reflect on the last year. After my short hiatus back home this summer, I’m finally wrapping up my Eat-Pray-Love year in Europe. Now I begin the transition into a new phase of this journey, and I’m grateful for the sense of closure and peace these last few months have brought me.
I guess it’s appropriate that I’m returning home just in time for my birthday. I don’t dread birthdays anymore. These days I celebrate them. I know too many people who would have given anything to have had another one, including Dan, Dave, Bill, Jeff, Brian, Tom, John, and so many more we’ve lost along the way.
Sometimes people get confused. Because I blog about grief and bereavement issues they assume I’m sad and depressed. Not so! I’m truly happy. I love my life; it’s a f*ng amazing life, and I’m grateful for every minute of it. So here’s my year in review. Happy Birthday. XO, L
You’ll never hit the ball if you don’t swing the bat.
When I was in sales and sales coaching, this was one of my favorite quotes. And at the time, I believed I always swung the bat. That’s funny now. Hilarious, even. I had no idea that I’d set so many boundaries on myself, most starting with the words, I can’t, I shouldn’t, or I won’t. I’d never have dreamed that this quote would play such a big role in my life AD (After Dan).
When the pain of grief overwhelms your ability to breathe, it’s only too easy to curl up into a ball and hide from life. I vaguely remember the days and weeks I couldn’t get out of bed, or off the couch, and spent months not leaving the safety of my house. I can’t accompanied each breath I took. Without realizing it, I’d created my own prison and placed myself under house arrest. I’d set so many boundaries, I was barely existing. Living life wasn’t even on my radar anymore. So much for Live Now, huh?
When I finally broke myself out, I set out on my biggest Grief Recovery Project yet: long-term solo travel around the globe. I was both running away, and running towards, something I couldn’t yet identify. But I swung the bat and hit a home run. I learned a lot while I was away, probably more than I could ever hope to write about, but here’s my short version.
What I’ve Learned
I’ve learned a lot about the world. No matter where we are, or what our histories and cultures may be, at the end of the day we are all the same. We are human beings with the same needs, concerns, and desires. We all want to be valued, to contribute, to be free, and to be loved. I’ve learned what a large place our planet is, and how incredibly tiny we are as individuals. But even as small individuals we can still make a huge difference to the good or the bad. It’s all up to us, and I choose the good.
In the last year, I’ve learned how to be by myself. I’ve learned how to take risks and how to take care of myself when things don’t go as planned. I’ve faced my fears and come out on top, even if I reached the summit with a few bruises and a fractured maxilla to show for it.
And I’ve learned about this new Lisa: the strong, fun-loving adventurer who loves being around people as much as she enjoys solitude. This Lisa loves music and dancing, and doesn’t care who may be watching. And surprise, she turns out to be a nature girl (somewhere Dan is laughing his a$$ off at that) who loves to wander and enjoys getting lost (the rest of my inner circle can stop laughing at that one). This Lisa learned to be less guarded and trust her heart, taking 100% of the shots, even if sometimes she strikes out. (Or gets hit in the face with a fastball. Tomayto-Tomahto.)
The One Thing
But if I had to identify the most important lesson I’ve learned on this journey, it would be to stop applying limitations and boundaries on myself. No boundaries-No expectations has become my daily mantra. I’ve done things I NEVER thought I could, should, or would do. I’ve seen things I NEVER knew existed. And I’ve conquered the fears I NEVER thought possible to overcome. I’ve learned I like this person I’ve grown into that I NEVER thought could, should, or would exist. And I’ve found love, happiness, and peace, things I feared would NEVER be in my life again.
It took a long time to get here. And it hurt like a @#$%^&*! But cutting those boundaries loose freed me to live without limits. And lemme tell you, as scary as it is, it’s worth it. So get out there and live your Limitless life. I dare you. No boundaries, no expectations, just living life in the moment. This moment. Limitless.
XOXO,
The Wandering Widow
Live Now. Dream Big. Love Fierce.
POST SOUNDTRACK
The Road Less Traveled, Lauren Alaina
Why do you keep on staring?
That mirror, mirror, it ain’t fair at all
Dress sizes can’t define, don’t let the world decide what’s beautiful
You won’t make yourself a name if you follow the rules
History gets made when you’re acting a fool
So don’t hold it back and just run it
Show what you got and just own it
No, they can’t tear you apart
If you trust your rebel heart, ride it into battle
Don’t be afraid, take the road less traveled
Wear out your boots and kick up the gravel
Don’t be afraid, take the road less traveled on
Don’t follow anyone
March to the rhythm of a different drum
Why do we analyze, break out, and criticize the crazy ones?
You won’t make yourself a name if you follow the rules
History gets made when you’re acting a fool
So don’t hold it back and just run it
Show what you got and just own it
No, they can’t tear you apart, no
If you trust your rebel heart, ride it into battle
Don’t be afraid, take the road less traveled
Wear out your boots and kick up the gravel
Don’t be afraid, take the road less traveled on
Take the road less traveled on
Put your hands up, show me that you’re one of a kind
Put your hands up, let me hear your voice tonight
If you trust your rebel heart, ride it into battle
Don’t be afraid, take the road less traveled
Wear out your boots and kick up the gravel
Don’t be afraid, take the road less traveled on
Songwriters: Lauren Alaina / Jesse Frasure / Meghan Trainor
Road Less Traveled lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc