A Coping With Grief Post
When I was in Durham last week, the Durham Cathedral, a UNESCO World Heritage Site, was at the top of my “must-see” list. Of all the European cathedrals I’ve toured, Durham was one of the few not covered in scaffolding at the time of my visit. It was good luck that the last bits were removed the day before I arrived.
(For those of you that know the back story on my former boycott of churches and cathedrals, this is amazing. Those of you that don’t know the story are free to marvel that this was even on the list, let alone a priority. I know I do. If we ever meet in person, I’ll share that backstory over a cold one.)
Centuries of Climbing
Like every other cathedral that has a tower available for climbing, I trudged up the stairs of the bell tower to get my birds-eye view of Durham. Like always, it was worth it.
While I don’t enjoy uneven, narrow, spiral climbs, I was captivated by the deep, shiny, indentations in the middle of each of the 325 stone steps. I paused to run my fingers over one of them, thinking about the centuries of footsteps that had worn down and polished the stone. Can you imagine all those people? Some of the grooves were so deep that they’d been filled in with cement for safety reasons. There were people behind me, so I wasn’t able to stop and get a photo.
Are We There Yet?
I huffed and puffed my way up. It was dark-ish. The stairs were uneven, and I’m a klutz. I’ve fallen before, so was careful to hold onto the rail and take each step cautiously. I watched my feet more than anything else. At one point, a gentleman met me coming down. That’s a tight squeeze for strangers, like dancing in a phone booth. I laughed as I asked, “Is the end in sight?” He smiled and assured me that it was very close. “Keep climbing, girl. You’re almost there.”
I trudged on. And then I reached the door to the roof of the bell tower. I stepped outside to the sunlight and the breeze on my face. Whew! That was refreshing after being in a dark, humid tower for so long. And then I looked down and got a bit dizzy. I managed to catch my breath and enjoy the view. I even got to chat up a fellow traveler and author (check out Ken’s book here) who collects photos of cathedrals from all over the world. (Yeah, I chat up strangers on rooftops. Who doesn’t?)
The Grief Journey
Later that evening, as I was sharing this story with my buddy Kevin, he suggested it would make a good blog post. And y’all know how much I love metaphors for the grief journey. So what can climbing to the top of a cathedral tour remind us about the grief journey?
Out of the Darkness
Just like with our grief journeys, it’s an arduous climb out of the darkness. It’s steep, isn’t easy, and is seemingly endless when you’re in the middle of it and can’t see where you started and where you’re going. Even if others are there to help guide, only you can do that climb. It’s up to us, as the bereaved, to put one foot in front of the other and trudge forward, even when we don’t think we can or don’t want to.
Those that Went Before
While it’s a path no one can walk for us, we can always hear the voices of those that have gone before. They give us hope, guidance, and encouragement to continue.
Back into the Sunlight
We all go at our own pace. Our grief recovery experiences are unique. No one can tell us to hurry up or slow down. (If they try, I give you my blessing to ask them to F*k off.) But at some point, we emerge from the darkness to feel the sun on our faces once more. Just like at the top of the cathedral tower, where I could see Durham laid out before me, we can see the world before us. Which direction shall we take?
It’s Your Turn to Guide
Unlike the tower, where what goes up must come down, on the grief journey, we mostly keep moving forward. But we can still look back and tell the new Widow behind us, “Keep climbing, girl. You’re almost there.”
XOXO,
The Wandering Widow
Live Now. Dream Big. Love Fierce.
POST SOUNDTRACK
Take It To The Top, Kool and the Gang
Climbing
Keep movin’ up
Don’t you ever stop
Whatever it is
Take it to the top
The world’s out there waiting, and it’s yours for the taking
So come on, get up, it’s time to go
Stop hesitating and anticipating to the top
That’s your mark, get ready
Set, go!
So let’s go take it to the top; don’t stop
Cause we’ll be movin’
You can make it to the top; don’t stop
We’ll be groovin’
We’re gonna reach that higher ground
Take it on up, a little higher
Take it on up. We will climb together
Take it on up to your highest dreams
Take it on up. So let’s go to the top
Climbing
You can do what you want do
In your heart that will go you
If you reached for the stars
You can go that far
Stop hesitating and anticipating to the top –
That’s your mark
Get ready
Set, go!
So let’s go take it to the top; don’t stop
Cause we’ll be movin’
You can make it to the top; don’t stop
And we’ll be groovin’
We will reach that higher ground
Baby
I can feel it in my bones
So come along
Yeah
Take it on up a little higher
Take it on up; we will climb together
Take it on up to your highest dreams
Take it on up
So let’s go to the top
Climbing
Let’s go take it to the top; don’t stop
Cause we’ll be movin’
You can make it to the top; don’t stop
And we’ll be groovin’
Let’s go take it to the top; don’t stop
You’re bound to reach that higher ground
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Ronald Bell / James Taylor / Robert Mickens / Dennis Thomas / Robert Earl Bell / Claydes Smith / Earl Toon / George Brown / Eumir Deodato
Take It to the top lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc