The Death Cafe

“To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.”
~J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter & the Sorcerer’s Stone

A Grief Recovery Project Post

What happens when a grief and bereavement blogger walks into a Death Cafe? Sounds like the start of a bad widow snark joke, but that’s exactly what happened last week. I know, I may be a bit rusty on how holiday festivities work, but this is something I’ve wanted to check out for a while now, and the timing worked for me to attend while I was in Boise for the holidays.

Death Cafes

Right about now you may be asking, “Lisa, what the heck is a Death Cafe?” My dear reader, I’m so glad you asked. It’s an international movement to de-stigmatize the conversation about death and dying through local meet-ups. The Cafe is the event itself, not the place. The meetings have a facilitator, but the attendees drive the conversation. Oh, and there’s cake.

You know how I feel about shining the light on the ugly underbelly of grief and bereavement, so a Death Cafe seemed right up my alley. And I do like cake. So, on the appointed evening, I showed up at my local library for the Death Cafe I’d read about on Facebook.

Death Is Personal

As much as I write about grief and bereavement, I was a bit uncomfortable talking about death in a room full of strangers. Irrational, I know, since I can usually have a conversation with anyone about anything. But death is so…death-y. (Those of you that remember the time I was accused of having a grief blog that was too grief-y can imagine why this makes me laugh.)

And after having a front-row seat to Dan’s gruesome end, death also feels personal. Really personal. I mean talking about sex personal. My reaction is a prime example of why conversations like these are needed.

So, like most everything else in my life, I showed up alone. Seemed appropriate since that’s how we’re all going out. Alone. I arrived to find people of all ages, from all walks of life, and diverse spiritual and philosophical beliefs. The group size that night was unusually large due to recent media exposure, so we were broken into smaller circles.

First Rule About Fight Club

I can’t discuss anything that was said. The first rule about Death Cafe is, we don’t talk about what’s said in Death Cafe. (That was funnier in my head when I pictured Brad Pitt saying it, but whatever.) I can assure you that the room was full of kindness and a genuine willingness to both hear others and share if desired. It was a safe place to talk about a scary topic without judgment. And based on the number of people there, our society has a deep-seated need to talk about it.

I’m still processing everything I heard and felt, but would encourage anyone to attend. Just like grief and bereavement, we need to make the conversation about death one that is accepted in our culture.

To find a local Death Cafe in your area, visit DeathCafe.com, or @DeathCafe on Twitter. If you’re in Boise, Death Cafe Boise can be found on Facebook.

Oh, and if you decide to go, please drop me a line and let me know. I’m dying to hear what you think.

XOXO,
The Wandering Widow
Live Now. Dream Big. Love Fierce.

POST SOUNDTRACK

To Where You Are, Josh Groban

Who can say for certain
Maybe you’re still here
I feel you all around me
Your memories so clear
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You’re still an inspiration
Can it be
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you’re there
A breath away’s not far
To where you are
Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn’t faith believing
All power can’t be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
‘Cause you are mine
Forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you’re there
A breath away’s not far
To where you are
I know you’re there
A breath away’s not far
To where you are

Songwriters: Linda Thompson / Richard N Marx
To Where You Are lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc, BMG Rights Management