“Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all. When there’s a big disappointment, we don’t know if that’s the end of the story. It may just be the beginning of a great adventure. Life is like that. We don’t know anything. We call something bad; we call it good. But really, we just don’t know.”
I told you a few months ago I was (mostly) done writing about grief and bereavement, and that continues to be true. At this moment, I sit on the precipice of a new adventure, a sacred journey of faith and leaning into the unknown, and I’d like to share it with you just like I would any of my other adventures. So I hope you’ll continue to follow along. But if not, thanks for sharing the journey with me thus far. Love and light.
Two years ago, on a crisp September evening in 2019, I found myself standing on the balcony of my flat in Belfast, looking out at the city I love for what would be the last time. I remember being overwhelmed with sadness that I wouldn’t see it again. My Spirit Council* had let me know it was time to go home and not look back. I couldn’t understand why and refused to accept that, so I told myself I had imagined it.
Fast forward to November 2019. I’d already been following the virus situation in Wuhan via online travel groups when my guides confirmed it would become a pandemic that would change life as we knew it and that I needed to hunker down. I assumed they sent me home to weather the storm on familiar turf. But that was only a tiny part of a much bigger picture.
I’d done a great job convincing myself I’d healed from my losses and was “over” my grief. That deception was easy to maintain while constantly moving about and having fun. But my guides knew I had more work to do and needed to be still long enough to dig through more layers. I’m talking deep ancestral karmic layers of gunk that needed to be brought into the light and then released. Hellooooooo, Lockdown.
I spent the better part of 2020 back in counseling, doing shadow work, and meditating. And you know what? It worked. Clearing those ancestral karmic issues and old traumas put me in a happy and healthy place. Because I was plugged in and connected to the universe in a whole new way, I felt better than I had in years. And I liked it.
And then something insidious happened. It was so slow I didn’t even notice it at first. I got comfortable and fell back into a routine, doing the same things with the same people. I was still working on myself but content with the status quo and not growing. Worse, I’d started ignoring my guides. You guys, I’d allowed myself to become stagnant and disconnected. And part of that stagnancy meant settling for situations and people I knew weren’t meant for me. My Spirit Council was having none of it, which is where this new journey begins.
The message that my time in Boise was drawing to a close got louder and louder. Back in October, I was no longer able to ignore it. I had already released many of my emotional and spiritual ties to the past but had one big physical anchor that needed to be cut loose. So I sold my house with no plan of where to go, just a knowing I had to untether, and I had to do it now.
So here I am, beginning a new chapter, my sacred journey of faith. It’s a bit of an old lady coming of age story, I suppose. Those who knew me in The BeforeTime know faith isn’t my go-to move. And yet, here I am, leaning into the unknown, untethered. My faith muscle is straining like my first leg day at the gym. I’m not a homeowner for the first time in my adult life. I just turned 50, have no idea where I’m going or what I’ll be doing, and we’re still in the middle of a pandemic! Ummmm faith?
I laugh when people tell me I’m a free spirit. Despite what my Instagram may imply, I’m not the nomadic bohemian people think I am. The souls that know me best know I long for a place that feels like home, where I can put down deep roots like a mighty oak tree. This home is a familiar place on the liminal edge of awake and asleep I can almost reach out and touch but haven’t found. Yet. Instead, I’m leaping into the wind to let it carry me there and learning faith in the process. It’s exciting and terrifying at the same time.
Stagnant vs. Dormant?
And it turns out I’m ready for all of it. I was sharing this new chapter with a friend and member of my soul tribe. When I got to the part about being stagnant, he looked at me, incredulous, and said, “You could effervesce a swamp. How could you ever think you’re stagnant?” Sometimes I have to be reminded to be gentle with myself and remember how far I’ve come. It turns out what I’d believed was stagnant was dormant. Like the dandelion seed seemingly doing nothing in the dark nourishing earth, I’ve been germinating all along. Now it’s time to reach for the sky and ride the wind.
A Sacred Journey: Project Dandelion
The last year has been one of expansion that has deepened my connection with Spirit. A few months ago, around a sacred fire at a Talking Circle, The Universe spoke to me through the wind in the trees. The message was loud and clear as it touseled my hair, “ride the wind to root.” Carried within was the whisper, “have faith.”
And while I long for those deep oak roots, the humble dandelion has pretty powerful roots of its own. Did you know dandelions can repair lousy soil? While lawn lovers curse them, and children love them for carrying wishes on the wind, it’s dandelions’ deep tap roots that transform the environment around them. In a way, they are the original alchemists, and once they accomplish their mission, they fly away and don’t return unless they’re needed.
Learn more about how dandelions heal the earth here.
Like the dandelion seeds riding the breeze, I’ll be floating until I find the place to land and put down roots. Since international travel is off the books for the time being (for me, you do you), I’ll be traveling around the US, exploring my own country for a change, and connecting with others in my soul tribe. Do you live someplace I need to see? Would you please message me and let me know?
Since word has gotten out about my new adventure, I’ve heard from more people than I can count that they also long to untether and go in search of freedom and joy. More than one has told me I’m brave. I’m not sure how to take that. It saddens me that so many people are unhappy and feel trapped in the lives they’ve created. The good news is we all have the power to start over and create lives that set our souls on fire.
Live Now. Dream Big. Love Fierce.
My Best Kept Secret
*Folx, I’m coming out of the woo-woo closet. I’m one of those lucky individuals who have clear communication with my Spirit Council. What does that mean? For me, it means I can talk to, and hear, the spirits of my ancestors, my guardian angels, and other divine teachers who help me from beyond the physical plane. (Yep, everything about the Spirit Council in Heart of a Kingdom was real.) Because I grew up in an uber-religious (aka intolerant) household, one of my best-kept secrets is I’ve seen ghosts since I was a little kid. And I can read your energy, so know when you’re lying even if I don’t call you out on it. It sure keeps life interesting.
And I’d have been fine taking this secret to my grave, but when the ancestors speak, I listen. I know it’s a lot to take in. I’ll let you determine what all that means for you. So while I reject the labels of medium or clairvoyant, if they help you, knock yourself out. And before you ask, I choose not to channel other people’s dead voluntarily, but that is a story for another day.