“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”
Thich Nhat Hanh, Stepping into Freedom: Rules of Monastic Practice for Novices
A Coping With Grief Post
When I was in Belfast recently, my friend invited me to attend a Promise Yoga session she was going to. It was different from the other types of yoga I’ve tried. The very first thing our teacher said was, “It’s not about the pose. It’s about the breath. The pose is about making space to receive the breath.”
Wow! Most yoga is about the pose. This was about making the space to receive, no matter how imperfect the pose may appear. As I made space for my breath, I pondered the power of the image. The longer I thought about it, the more it made sense to me as a way to describe what it means to “hold space” for the bereaved. The phrase holding space is used a lot, but what does it even mean?
Holding Space: For Friends and Family
When someone you love is grieving a loss, they are a raw wound. They need you to create the space for them to breathe, to grieve, to be miserable, and to heal. For many, that means showing up, being present, and being mostly silent. It doesn’t mean trying to fix things, cheer them up, or trying to find an experience to compare to their pain. News flash: you can’t fix it. Don’t diminish their grief by trying to hurry it along. Just provide a safe space for them to breathe. Just like the yoga pose, don’t worry about it being perfect. Remember, it’s about the breath.
Holding Space: For My Fellow Widows
We hear people talk about holding space for us, but rarely do we hold space for ourselves. I know that it’s next to impossible to make space to breathe when you’re in the midst of the darkness. I think I held my breath for months until my grief counselor pointed out that I was doing it. Oops.
But as you get past the initial shock period, please keep this in mind: make space for your grief. We need to allow ourselves the space to feel the feelings. Try to permit yourself to do so guilt-free. I’ll be the first one to tell you it sucks. But by giving yourself the time to grieve and work through the feelings, as miserable as it is, the better you will feel.
Namaste
If you’ve never taken a yoga class, you may not know that namaste loosely means the divine in me honors the divine in you. However you are doing this grief thing, you’re doing it and that should be revered. If no one else, including you, has told you, I’m proud of you. I’m proud of your breathing, messy poses and all. And don’t forget, in yoga, child’s pose has us breathing face down on the floor. Namaste.
XOXO,
The Wandering Widow
Live Now. Dream Big. Love Fierce.
Post Soundtrack
When the world is making promises that it can’t keep
You alone your only friend
Breathe out, breathe in, breathe out again
When the road you’re on is longer than you ever thought you’d go
You’re always on the mend
Breathe out, breathe in, breathe out again
That weight on your shoulder is worse when you’re older
The lines that you’ve drawn will wear thin
When all that’s inside you is screaming for rescue
Breathe out again
When the life you live is falling short of what you want
But it’s all that you can give
Breathe out, breathe in, breathe out again
Breathe out, breathe in, breathe out again
That weight on your shoulder is worse when you’re older
The lines that you’ve drawn will wear thin
When all that’s inside you is screaming for rescue
Breathe out again
When the world is making promises that it can’t keep
You alone your only friend
Breathe out, breathe in, breathe out again
Oh, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out again
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Robert Thomas
Breathe Out lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC