**Spoiler Alert! If you haven’t seen Parabellum yet, bookmark and come back to this later.**
A Keeping It Real Post
I just watched John Wick: Chapter 3 -Parabellum, which I’ve re-subtitled Revenge of the Dogs, with my favorite movie date. (For those of you that are new readers, that’s my nephew.) I loved every shoot ’em up minute of it, and not just because I’ve had a crush on Keanu Reeves since his Bill and Ted days. Soooo dreamy. Wait. Where was I?
Oh yes. I feel you, John Wick, I really do. I’ve had several chats with people about why I identify so strongly with this character: an assassin who pretty much kills everyone over the course of three (now four, woohoo) movies. No, I don’t have a secret life as an assassin. I love John Wick because it’s the ultimate love, loss, and grief journey story! How can anyone not see that? So obvious!
John Wick ReCap
Let’s review. John McDreamy Wick is a widower. In the first movie, we learn he’s just lost his wife to cancer. His grief is palpable and only gets worse. The bad guys kill the puppy his late wife had delivered to him after her funeral. She’d arranged this sweet furry gift to help him get through his grief. A cuddly puppy!!!!!! Yeah, those bastards deserved to die, and in the worst ways possible.
The second movie began with the bad guys blowing up his house, the last place he shared with his beloved wife and aforementioned puppy. You guys! They destroyed the safe haven of all his happy memories of the life he and his wife shared. (FYI, those bad guys got what was coming to them.)
In the third movie, our grieving and traumatized John Wick has to figure out who he is going to be without them. He has to decide whether to run from or confront his grief demons. And he’s kinda pissed off about it. Oh yeah, the puppy is avenged by its elders. Good doggos.
Again, so obviously a love story. But what can John Wick teach us about the bereavement process? I’m so glad you asked.
Everyone Has A Breaking Point
I can speak to the multiple losses: beloved, dog, the loss of the life and future they’d created together. The sadness and anger when you feel you have no reasons left to live. For new readers, I lost my Dad, my husband, and my sweet puppy, all in a span of twelve months. No one killed my dog, but if they had, I would probably have gone all ape $hit until SWAT arrived. Like John Wick, I’d reached my breaking point.
So yeah, the bereaved can only take so much. It’s why the secondary losses of friends and family hurt so damned much more than they would otherwise.
We All Deal With the Pain Differently
I was drunk for months. (I don’t recommend that option but won’t judge.) John Wick kills everyone. (Again, don’t recommend that option.) Some of the bereaved repress it all together. (Also not recommended.) We’re all different. The pain is real, though. I think that’s one reason I love John Wick so much. Watching him rain hellfire down on the bad guys, it felt like he was shooting the f*k out of my grief demons as well. You go, John Wick!
Our Friends Help Get Us Through It
Yep. No matter if they don’t always get it right, our friends are there for us, just like Winston, Charon, and Sofia did for John Wick. We walk a fine line of letting some go, welcoming new ones, and cherishing those who go to battle with us. We can’t do it alone.
It Takes Time
No one wakes up one day and is “over” the bereavement period. Heck, John Wick spent two hours and eleven minutes in Parabellum facing his grief demons and still needs a fourth movie to figure it out.
We all go at our own pace, and there is no timeline. Be kind to yourself, and your W’s, no matter how long it takes.
XOXO,
The Wandering Widow
Live Now. Dream Big. Love Fierce.
P.S. Keanu Reeves, I <3 you.
Post Soundtrack
Bullet Holes, Bush (John Wick: Chapter 3 Parabellum soundtrack)
I’m on the highway, I’m walking ‘cross America
Sweat stain in my blue suede shoes
Race wars, Star Wars, planet wars, mind wars
Tryna find ways to get to you
Always on the precipice, candy wish
So what would you prescribe?
‘Cause every moment’s something sacred, yeah
It’s such a wild ride
Higher than I’ve ever been
Bullet holes
All you leave behind
Now I know
I see you cut and dried
I used to wish in symphonies
Higher than I’ve ever been
Left in the rain to the sound of the sirens
Jet planes with the battle blues
Lifeblood, bad blood, my blood, your blood
The state of danger in this human zoo
Just caught in the wheels of machinery
Fragments to construct a core, yeah
Wish I could sleep more easily
Are you the one I’ve been waiting for?
Higher than I’ve ever been
Bullet holes
All you leave behind
Now I know
I see you cut and dried
I used to wish in symphonies
Higher than I’ve ever been
They closed our path through deserted streets
Downtown ghosts shuffling in their feet
I will never stop fighting for you
Never stop fighting
Bullet holes
All you leave behind
Now I know
I see you cut and dried
Bullet holes
I thought I was inside
I used to wish, I used to wish in symphonies
Higher than I’ve ever been