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The Wandering Widow

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Home » Coping with Grief» Friends & Family» Widowhood » When Your W Starts Dating (Widows and Dating Part 1)

When Your W Starts Dating (Widows and Dating Part 1)

September 17, 2018 By Lisa Bain

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A What Not To Say Post

This topic has come up as a special request more than once over the last year. And I know I promised this a while back, and I’ve been dragging my feet long enough. So here is the first installment in a series of posts on Widows and dating, born out of countless conversations with my fellow W’s, friends and family, and the guys who date W’s. Truth be told, the topic makes my palms sweat. But here goes.

Single and ready to mingle.

When a W starts thinking about the possibility of dating again, well-meaning (or not so well-meaning) friends and family can be the worst critics. Trust me, a W is already second-guessing everything in life, including dating. So here is a handy list of things to remember if your W trusts you enough to tell you she’s going to try it. For the sake of clarity, I’ll use Dan and I as your examples.

Three Things To Remember:

  1. Dan is dead.
  2. No one will ever be Dan, be a replacement for Dan, or attempt to be Dan. I do not need you to remind me of this. News flash, I’m not the Lisa that was with Dan. Get the f*k over it.
  3. I don’t need your approval, just your support. If you can’t give it to me, perhaps we don’t have the relationship either of us thought we did.

And a Bonus 3a. Don’t tell me you feel guilty supporting this decision or liking date guy because it feels disloyal to Dan. Reference #1.

Whew! Now that we have that out of the way, stay tuned for next week’s hilarious post, Dating a Widow (Or What You Can Learn From a 16 Year Old).

XOXO,
The Wandering Widow
Live Now. Dream Big. Love Fierce.

Post Soundtrack

Who’s Got My Back?, Creed

Run…hide
All that was sacred to us
See the signs
The covenant has been broken
By mankind
Leaving us with no shoulder
To rest our head on

Who’s got my back now?
When all we have left is deceptive
So disconnected
So what is the truth now?

There’s still time
All that has been devastated
Can be recreated
Realize
We pick up the broken pieces
Of our lives
Giving ourselves to each other
To rest our head on

Tell me the truth now…Tell us the truth now

Who’s got my back now?
When all we have left is deceptive
So disconnected
So what is the truth now?

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Filed Under: Coping with Grief, Friends & Family, Widowhood Tagged With: Broken Open, Coping, Dating, Grief, Grief Journey, Grief Recovery, Reckless Truth Telling, Survivor, What Not To Say, Widowhood, Widows


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Heart of a Kingdom is a riveting tale of love, courage, loss, and survival set in the magical Kingdom of the Talking Tres, and the City of Belfast. Newly widowed Queen Libby must endure the devastating loss of her husband, do the … Read More about New Book: Heart Of A Kingdom

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Lisa Bain became a young widow in 2016 after losing her husband to cancer. She quickly learned we live in a grief phobic society, which isolates the grieving even further. With both humor and heartbreak, she shares her story and lessons she's learned to help those grieving remember they aren't alone, and to help their family and friends that just don't know what to do to help.

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