Widow Doesn’t Define Me (Except For When It Does)

A Keeping It Real Post

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
Bernard M. Baruch

The Wandering Widow

Back when I first started blogging about my grief journey, I was counseled by many of my friends to be cautious. Apparently, or so I was warned, I didn’t want to be labeled a Widow. I got a lot of pushback on using the moniker “The Wandering Widow” and was heavily discouraged from choosing that as a domain name. There was a belief that I would be typecast and limited in any future non-widow endeavors. (Are there any non-widow endeavors for grief and bereavement bloggers? Asking for a friend.)

If you are a regular visitor to this blog, you’ve read how I’ve been discouraged from hanging out with other Widows. And don’t get me started on how many times I’ve been told Widows are undateable and not to mention it. I won’t go into that again, but the stigma of widowhood borders on the ridiculous. It’s not contagious. Well, I suppose in a way it is, but that’s a post for another day.

My Defining Moment

And it’s not just Normals (non-Widows for you newbies) who feel that way. I regularly hear other Widows pronounce, with vigor, that being a Widow doesn’t define them. Interesting. While I agree being a Widow doesn’t define me, becoming one was the single most defining moment of my life, and I’ve had some doozies.

Yes, I’m more than just a Widow. But being widowed made me so much more than I was. Learning how to survive the pain of Dan’s loss made me a better person, one I wish he’d been able to know.

Widow Strong

I have a pretty good idea of what everyone else hears that makes them afraid of the W word. I used to fear it too, back when I was a Normal like you. And initially, I hated hearing it when people used it for me. But what do I hear when someone refers to themselves as a Widow these days?

• Survivor of the worst pain imaginable
• Warrior Queen of her own life
• Pathfinder and way maker
• Grief sister
• Stronger than she ever thought possible
• Nurturer to others in pain
• TOTAL F#$%^&@ BADASS

I am not ashamed, and I won’t hide or whisper when I’m asked about my marital status. Neither will I apologize for my grief. I can’t go back and change what happened, but I can own every minute of this life. And you’d better believe I’ll be defining it any way I choose.

So I wear my W badge with honor, along with all the others I’ve earned along the way. Hugs to all my W Sisters defining and redefining this Widow life.

XOXO,
The Wandering Widow
Live Now. Dream Big. Love Fierce.

Post Soundtrack

I Won’t Back Down, Tom Petty

Well, I won’t back down
No, I won’t back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won’t back down

No, I’ll stand my ground
Won’t be turned around
And I’ll keep this world from draggin’ me down
Gonna stand my ground
And I won’t back down

Hey, baby
There ain’t no easy way out
Hey, I will stand my ground
And I won’t back down

Well, I know what’s right
I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin’ me around
But I’ll stand my ground
And I won’t back down